Not-So-Satisfying...

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Farnsberg, SC

Police in Burke County have just arrested a man in connection with the 1999 slaying of Mars Candy CEO, Hap Bushman.

Raymond A. Purnell of Farnsberg was taken into custody late Sunday evening, because apparently, “Snickers didn’t satisfy him.”

Purnell had been in hiding after the murder, which had been labeled one of the most gruesome crimes of the 1990’s. Bushman was found in his Columbia estate covered in gooey nougat and peanuts. He also had a couple of bites in his neck. Once arrested, Purnell was quoted as having said “If I pay a Buck-Five for a snack-bar, I expect to be fulfilled. Snickers just didn’t do it, and I didn’t appreciate their false advertising.”

After the murder, Snickers changed their ad campaign from 1999 until 2005 when the scare died down again, adopting the slogan “Snickers – Might Satisfy You If You’ve Already Had A Solid Meal Today Prior To Eating One.”

In other confectionary news, Nabisco has decided not to release the “Obama Oreo” after complaints that the product name would indirectly cause a racial thunderstorm.